I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize