How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
