I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
