guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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