How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
