New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
