I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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