His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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