I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
