they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
