Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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