If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
