That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
