i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
