So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
