...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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