I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
