I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
