The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
