Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
