so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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