Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize