I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
