And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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