my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need to calm my uterus...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
