Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
