we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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