She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Boobs are out for the taking
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
