i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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