just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
