So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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