well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
