Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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