weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I got her a Nickelback box set.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't turn off my feet"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
