you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
