He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
