TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
