Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
