People in love make me want to vomit
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
