Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize