shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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