Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am one with the molecules
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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