smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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