I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
