I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
