I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
