No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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