i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
