Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
