Don't you send me to vm
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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