his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
