I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
