How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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