He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
