Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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