Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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