im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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