so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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