Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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