i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize