Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
