She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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