I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
