You just made me feel so damn special
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize