Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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