I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
